I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
