Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
