So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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