im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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