You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
