Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's just like the Real World with babies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
