Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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