i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
