he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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