ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
