so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
