How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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