I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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