I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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