So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize