FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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