You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
