if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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