My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
