He is an equal opportunity slut.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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