my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
