Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
