"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
