Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
