She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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