i just google imaged poop.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
