i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
