Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
