i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
