Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
