so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
