lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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