Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
