I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
