He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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