I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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