As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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