I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I touched a dick in church today
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
