oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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