not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
