Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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