i think my mom watched the whole time
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
