And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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