Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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