im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
