do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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