shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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