what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
