We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
