some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
