My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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