Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize