dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
