omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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