Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
