So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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