i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize