i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
