is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
