I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
