Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
