I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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