You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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