I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
