oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
