watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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