Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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