next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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