He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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